All the hippies in Oakdale
Liked Becca a lot
But the cop,
Who worked just north of Oakdale
The cop hated psychics
The whole psychic legion
Now please don't ask why
No one quite knows the reason
It could be
His head wasn't screwed on quite right
It could be, perhaps,
that his shoes were too tight
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small
Whatever the reason,
His heart or his shoes,
Jack stood outside Mystic Circle, hating the supernatural ruse
Staring into the store with a sour, grouchy frown
At the crystals and candles..."For fuck's sake, is that a crown?"
He knew the new agers would come from afar
They'd give Becca their money, they'd treat her like a czar
"They'll have their cards read," he snarled with a sneer.
She'll scam them all, like an evil buccaneer
Then he growled with his grouch fingers nervously drumming,
I MUST find some way to keep from succumbing
Becca, he knew
Called to parts of him he'd rather ignore
He wanted her in ways he'd yet to explore
And then! He knew he'd simply want more! More! More! More!
Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA
"I know just what to do!" The cop laughed in his throat.
He hauled her in for questioning, not hiding his gloat
He chuckled and clucked, "What a great, grouchy trick!
I don't even care that I'm acting like a total dick!"
"I'm sure she's responsible for the murders in town
How else would she know exactly what went down?"
Becca pleaded innocent, begging with tears
Claiming she was clairvoyant, not hiding her fear
But the grouch knew the truth
Psychics didn't exist,
It didn't take a sleuth
Seriously?!? Did she think he was fresh from a farm in Duluth?
However, he had no evidence
He had no proof
No matter how much he hated it,
He had to let her run loose
But Becca had more visions,
She needed assistance
She had to tell Jack
Hoping he'd drop his resistance
She used her pendulum, she used the Tarot,
They caught the killer before he could go
And slowly the grouch's belief began to show
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
And what happened then...?
Well in Oakdale, they say
That the grouch's small heart
Grew three sizes that day!
Okay, yeah...lame...but I like to think I met the challenge. I also think poor Dr. Seuss is spinning in his grave. Um...sorry, Ted.