Sign me up, baby!

Since my darling Mia went the direction I was planning to go (darn, this being fourth in line business!) I've thought of another workshop I'd like to see. I'm guessing it would probably need to be taught by Dr. Who in order for it to be completely effective, but I'd like to see a workshop on Stopping Time.

Yes, you read that right. I want a workshop on how to stop time - complete with supplies and hands on instruction on how to build the necessary equipment. No worries - I'll pay the extra 'materials fee'.

Think of the uses!

Need another thirty minutes to finish that scene before you have to leave to pick up your kids?
*Push Big Red Button*

(I only assume the device will have a big red button because movies and television have conditioned me to expect that.)

Need another week to finish that story?
*Push Big Red Button*

Need a few more hours in a twenty-four hour day to turn those edits around?
*Push Big Red Button*

Need to lose a little more weight to fit into that badass vampire costume for the vampire ball? *Push Big Red Button*

I want my big red button, damn it! And I want it NOW!

So...what do you think Dr. Who's speaker fee is?

Listy Post

Here is a list of panels and/or classes that I would LOVE to see hosted at writers convention.

1. No one knows or cares who you are

2. Being Polite 101

3. Being Polite 102 (It doesn't hurt to have manners.)

4. Why you should not drink too much at a convention. This one could include fun pictures of previous train wrecks to grace the halls of conventions. Falling down drunk, puking in potted plants, security dragging women away with their panties in full view. Much fun could be had by all in attendance of this particular panel. And perhaps more than a few lessons learned.

5. Why flaws are good.

6. The difference between flaws and making your heroine too stupid to live.

7. You've written a vampire novel...so what.

Getting Over It

I'd like to do a panel on getting over it.

I've been to RT, RWA, RomantiCon, and a few others. There are always the divas and the editors who pull rank. There are panels about things we've heard a thousand times before (one inch margins, double space, Times New Roman or Courier, 250 words per page, etc etc etc). I get that some people need this info, but most of the time, it's filler.

I want a panel on Getting Over It. On getting over the multiple published superiority complexes. Getting over the "Do you KNOW who I AM" statements. Getting over the indignant self-righteous piety of "this is how it's done in this industry, for I am QUEEN and have been at this far far longer than thou" behavior.

I want the panel to have everyone stand up and firmly slap themselves in the forehead with a big "Doh" to know the entitlement right out of them. To rip off their vampire ball fangs and faery ball wings, to stop with the competition revolving around what you're wearing and put it back on what we're writing. I mean, that's why we gather, isn't it?

Is that too much to ask? Hm?

Writer, Know Thyself

When it comes to productivity, I don’t think what works for one writer works for another. I work closely with Bronwyn and I know what works for me doesn’t work for her. I know what works for me definitely doesn’t work for Dakota. You have to learn your own rhythm and nurture it.

Here are some things that help my productivity:

1. Deadlines. Seriously, if I don’t have a deadline for a book, it will languish in my hard drive forever. It’s amazing I ever got books finished before I was published. Luckily for me, I had a rather demanding critique group. I was forced to produce at least a chapter a week or face them empty handed. Not something I ever wanted to do.

2. Schedule yourself. This is different from deadlines. A deadline is fine, but you need to know how long it will take to meet that. I average 2000 words a day. When I’m on task, it’s a number I can easily reach and exceed. Knowing that, I just do simple math and schedule how long it will take to do a book—then add in leeway, because like earlier posters this week, I’m a procrastinator. I know that so I work with it.

3. Plot. I know all the pantzers out there scream at this and say I can’t write the book if I know what’s going to happen, but as a writer and an editor who deals with books that make no sense, I say WHATEVER. That might be harsh but you need to have some sort of idea as to what will happen in your book. I’m not talking full out, bazillion page outlines. I’m talking landmarks. One sentence or even one phrase notes about what will happen. A destination and a route to get there. Would you set out on a trip from New York to California without a map? You might not know what you’ll see on the way, but you know how you’ll get there. Make yourself a map! You might be stunned at how much faster you’ll write when you know what you’re writing about.

4. Be flexible. I write a one page plan for my book. I call it a plot. It always changes a bit along the way. Because of that, I tweak it as I go. As I said, you never know what you’re going to see along the way to your destination. There might be a detour, there might be a landmark you didn’t know about, there might be a hitchhiker… things change as you’re writing. That’s what keeps it exciting and new. Here’s an example of how things change. When I started writing Belonging to Them, my latest release, I thought the heroine would end up in a permanent ménage relationship, but as I was writing, it became more and more apparent (like by page eight, I think) that she had a strong connection with only one of the men. A permanent ménage just wouldn’t work, so I had to adjust. That’s normal.

5. Simplify. Don’t spend hours and hours doing pre-book busy work. Inspiration pages are great. Outlines are wonderful. Character sketches are useful. I used to spend days working on these. I have beautiful books of pictures and character info. Today, I have a picture or two (or sometimes none) saved in my writing folder for the book. My character sketches are about a half to three-quarter page long. This is character description including their style and basic mannerisms, what their problems are, who their family is, briefly what might have shaped them to this point, what they really need in life.

6. Be organized. Have some sort of filing system. There’s nothing worse than spending an hour looking for the proper files. If necessary, keep a checklist of what you need to do for the day.

7. Limit internet and communication time. This is my downfall though I’ve gotten better. It’s possible to spend hours and hours on blogs, on-line chatting, email loops, regular email, gaming, talking on the phone. In the past, I’ve gotten to the end of the day and wondered what the heck I’d done all day. I wouldn’t say to eliminate this (that would be hypocritical of me, ‘cause I’m not stopping). I’m suggesting limitation.

8. Spend time doing something other than working—and other than surfing the net. Get away from the computer, get away from your notebooks of story notes and do something not at all related to writing. Take some time away to free your brain and give yourself a break. Just remember to come back.

Happy Writing!

Brynn

Procrastination, Thy Name is Bron

Okay (to procrastinate briefly) I'd like to wish the amazing Dakota Rebel a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Reliable productivity is my own personal Holy Grail. I keep searching for ways to force/coerce/trick myself into being consistently productive. So far, I have things that work for a short time, but honestly, what works best is a rapidly approaching deadline.

However, I find that the reward system is a fine thing.

These are the things I reward myself with when I make decent progress (1K or more)

An episode of Supernatural, Buffy or Firefly.
A chapter in the book I'm reading.
A quick sewing project like a top or a skirt.
Exploring websites like the ones Dakota mentioned. Oh how I love those places.

Sometimes, the challenge system works.

How many words can I write before I have to change a load of laundry?
How many words can I write before I have to leave to pick up the kids from school?
How many words can I write before I have to work on projects for the day job?
How many words can I write before I have to pee...again?

I really wish I was one of those people who sits down and actually writes a consistent 1-3K every day. That would make my whole existence so much easier. I guess until I can figure out how to make that a reality, the deadlines will keep breathing down my neck. I hate that I do my best work under pressure.

LOL!

Ok, so I think this week's topic was just to toy with my emotions. Me, productive? Please. Even when I was writing books like crazy I wasn't all that productive. I mean, sure the books got written, but mostly they got crammed into weekend sessions of 10 straight hours of typing until my nails were broken and my knuckles were numb. So instead I am going to be an evil, horrible woman and share tips on NOT being productive. On places to visit when you want to kill time. Aren't I terrible? But you love me.

Blogs and Websites:

Post Secret
Texts from Last Night
Cake Wrecks
People of Walmart
Awkward Family Photos
LOLCats, LOLDogs, Pundit Kitchen, Fail Blog

YouTube Searches:

Banned Cartoons
Funny Cats
Jon LaJoie
Brian/Justin
Harry/Draco (Or Drarry)
Twilight Parody
Lady GaGa (Cause why wouldn't you?)
Gay Emo Boys Kissing (Highly entertaining...if you're into that sort of thing.)

There, I think that's enough to get you started. Let me know if you run out of ways to kill time in the future and I'm sure I can come up with some more sites. And if all else fails, get yourself a Facebook page and play FarmVille, Vampire Wars, Mafia Wars, YoVille, Age of Castles, Evony, FishVille, PetVille, Island Paradise, School of Wizardry, My Casino, Cafe World, Zoo World, Hotel City, Treasure Isle, Collapse, or take one of the zillions of quizzes available to you.

Cheers!
Dakota

PS - Tomorrow is my birthday. :D

Productive...maybe.

I'm not sure I'm a great one for this topic. My release schedule looks great on paper and so does my "busy-ness" but when it comes down to it, most of my time is spent running around in a mad dash.

When I AM productive, it's because I, *G*A*S*P* work at it. Yes, that's right, productivity doesn't happen as an organic extension of universal perfection. It has nothing to do with the Chi (yeah, I prolly misspelled that) of balancing my world in perfect harmony. It mostly has to do with that crazy see-saw of chaos. It goes something like this: The see-saw is on the ground, tip buried in dry dust where personal work and time has shoved it like an overweight child seated alone on one end, the lofty desire to write on the other empty seat. This kid sits there, smacking on chocolate and making circles in the dirt with his heel. He wipes his nose on the back of his arm and cries about wanting to be "up there" closer to the clouds.

Every once in a while, the child figures out that he can get off his seat and crawl up the plank of wood. The see-saw levels and the child gains dubious hope that it will stay upright until he gets to the other side and finally, finally, he'll touch the sky. When he reaches the other side and the see-saw dips, he's mollified by the change in scenery but very quickly realizes he's in a mud puddle. This one is fun to splash in and play with. He can productively build mud balls and fling them with a satisfying *THWAP*, but alas, he is still on the ground. All those things he's working for are now on the first side, sitting high up in the sky and looking much prettier from this distance.

I'm the sloppy kid, crawling back and forth. Trying to figure out which side of the see-saw I need to be on next in order to reach my goals.

I get stuff done. Usually at the last minute ( I say, as I face this blog challenge I still have not written anything for and it's due), and scrape by. But here is my biggest and brightest tip to you. It's a doozy and it's absolutely true.

You get more done when you quit whining. So shut up already, put your "I wish I coulds" behind you and get it written. There's no substitute for productivity but productivity.

Pounding Out Pages

I have two tips for productivity regardless of whether one's muse is willing to play, but I can't wait to see what everyone else says.

1. A kitchen timer in 30-minute increments - which makes me way more productive

2. Butt in chair, hands on keyboard, music on.

Write something. It'll come.

Happy Reading,

Simone

Inspiration - Photo Montage

I'll let the pictures speak, but in case you miss it - hot couples, hot men, water and trees:

Look Around

I'm of the 'inspiration is everywhere' school of thought.

Music, trees, lakes, rocks, hot men, crazypants people I meet, conversations, dreams, misread signs, places I've visited, places I'd like to visit, friends, art, fabric...you get the picture...pretty much anything.

I have to admit, what inspires me more than anything else lately is a looming deadline. Yep, a firm date and an editor who's tapping her foot and checking her watch is pretty solid inspiration.

But here are a few things that inspire me...

Inspiring Thoughts

So, back when I used to write ( I know, I know. Whine whine whine. It's all I do.) bribery worked wonders for inspiration. When I was working my way through the whole series of Queer as Folk one episode at a time, I would bargain with myself. If I got 10 pages done I would watch an episode. Besides the fact that the show itself was inspiring as all hell to this M/M author, getting something I wanted at the end of a job well done was quite satisfactory.

Inspiration is everywhere, I do remember that much. A song, a picture, a movie, a book, a magazine, a well written piece of FanFic, hell even a badly written one. There is no telling what can and will spark the interest of an author. We are funny creatures and our brains do not work like normal people's brains do.

It's like any other art. The artist can pour his heart onto a canvas and some people will see it shining like a beacon across the room while others see a splotch of oil and think their evening was wasted. The creative mind works in mysterious ways.

XoXoXo
Dakota Rebel

Depends on what you mean by inspired...

Okay, here's how bad I suck. I missed last week's post and I nearly missed this week's post. I have to say that I have fantastic excuses but since there aren't words posted here earlier than this today, I'm figuring that it won't pan out.

Would it? Would it matter that there was a huge personal anniversary last Tuesday? Would it matter if I told you that I'm involved in four legal suits right now and that three of them used today as their deadline for documents? So yeah, I've been running all over town hand couriering official replies, sending off the same in certified mail for overnight delivery, faxing and calling every single one of those offices?

Here's the skinny. I won one. Yeah me! But the hag doesn't have to pay, she's just "wrong" in the eyes of the law. Which sucks because her wrongness cost me over $2000 for me to be nice to her and give her a place to live at a property I own. She wiped me out financially and yes, she's a bitch-hag. The other two are still up in the air but they've been temporarily dealt with. I'd explain but then you'd know way to much about me and I can't be having that.

So inspiration is it? I'm inspired by my ass getting chafed by the law. I'm inspired by the frowny faced glare of an editor. I'm inspired by the anxiety caused in a past due contract. And frankly, right now I'm inspired to sleep for a week. However, I have a read through edit to complete and a challenge story to write, which I believe is due in two days to a particular blog. Hm.

Otherwise, my inspiration is to chow on chocolate, salted products, watch television for the rest of the day, and sleep whenever possible. That counts, doesn't it?

Maybe next week, I'll be inspired to write something, oh, I dunno, inspirational.

What Inspires Me

FOr me inspiration in my writing comes from many sources - photos of hot men, headlines, documentaries, a misread title, and random photos. A lot of my inspiration comes in a visual form, because I am a visual person. Combine visual cues with the favorite "what if" game a lot of writers play and you can get an amazing story line out of it.

Inspiration in life comes from witnessing ordinary people do extraordinary things.



















Inspiration

















More Inspiration











Happy Reading.


Simone

How Purple Thy Prose

So here's the thing - I like descriptive passages as much as the next girl. I also like verbing nouns, but that's a whole 'nother post, so back to overwrought descriptive passages. I think writers most often fall prey to purple prose while describing furnishings, clothing and sex.

As a reader, I like to know what I'm "looking" at in a story, but I seriously don't need to know about every ornate curlicue on the Louis the 14th era chair, nor the expressions on the cherubs' faces that are carved into the mahogany mantelpiece over the Marseille patterned tiles surrounding the fireplace. Unless of course, those cherubs come to life at a later point in the story and start eating people - then it would be good to know what they looked like in their frozen tableau on the mantel. If not, the overblown description isn't necessary.

Back in the 80s when I was secretly devouring my stepmom's historical romance novels, I noticed that in a lot of those books the level of detail was positively excruciating. There were pages devoted to describing the heroine's dresses (particularly when the hero would insist on taking her to the finest French couturier who would then complain about the heroine's huge breasts and impossibly tiny waist, but I digress) down to the placement of the last satin rosette, georgette bow and hand-crocheted lace applique. Even with my considerable interest in costuming, I didn't freaking care.

Much like I don't freaking care about the grade of leather, the exact shade of black or how many leather straps and buckles are on the skin tight, itty-bitty, super revealing dress that a certain vampire executioner's vampire boyfriend wants her to wear to his latest vampire party in which she will be the prettiest princess in the room. I. Don't. Care. Granted, only paragraphs, as opposed to pages, are devoted to descriptions like this, but in my opinion, it's still too much and both examples qualify as purple prose.

Then there's the purple prose that shows up in sex scenes. I honestly don't have a problem with words like mound, sheath, shaft etc. because when sex scenes are graphically described you don't want to read cock-cock-cock-cock-cock-cock all the way through. At least, I don't. When word repetitions start hitting you over the head, you know it's time to pick a new noun. However, it's best to avoid things like pillar of marble, his lethal weapon of love, love wand, stone rod or man stick. It's an equally good idea to avoid descriptors like honey pot, grotto of womanhood, pleasure portal, love tunnel and gaping cavern. (?!) So. Not. Cool.

During the last few decades, I think there's been something of a movement to stomp out purple prose on the part of of a lot of writers and editors. However, as evidenced from the descriptors above, there's still a ways to go on that front. So, what are some of your favorite purple prose phrases? C'mon, I shared mine. ;)

Shades of Violet

Ok, so I have a confession to make. I had to look up purple prose. Yes, it's true. I didn't know what it was. I mean, I had a general idea. I knew it wasn't good. But what I learned is that it's not good, unless it's really, really bad. Then it's AWESOME.

I don't know if I can write it quite to the level of some of the examples I found. In fact, I know that I can't. I just don't have it in me. Ask my editors. They have to poke and prod to get more description out of me. I like to think of myself as a 'tight' writer. Don't be dirty, even if that is true as well. I am just not good at talking about feelings, or describing silken hair that blows in the breeze like the fur on an alpacas knee...

Hmm, no, that's not very good. It's not even bad/good.

His eyes were like tepid cess pools...is that a compliment? Cess pool sounds like a bar in downtown Detroit. And actually, after looking up the definition of "Cess Pool" on dictionary.com I find that it can be: any place of moral filth or immorality. Hmm, that could certainly be used to describe the eyes of a couple of my heros.

Moving on.

Her body shuddered with need. Her thighs shaking like jello during an earthquake as her eyes rolled back in their sockets as if she had been bludgeoned across the back of the head with a nine iron. She clenched her muscles tightly to keep her love pudding from quaking too badly in the wake of her hurricane strength orgasm.

Better.

This is actually pretty hard. Hard as ice..no, that's lame. Hard as...I don't know. It's difficult.

You know who probably rocks at purple prose? Southeners. There is something so melodic about the way they talk anyway, tones dripping in sacharine and honey and molasses and all of that nonsense.

You know who in particular would be awesome at it? Blanche Deveraux. True, that is not a picture of Rue Mclanahan. It is a one eyed, one horned, flying purple people eater. (In case you couldn't tell.) If you ever watched the Golden Girls you have to remember her stories and the way she over embellished and dragged out EVERYTHING. It was great, and hilarious. And sometimes even kind of pretty.

I just don't have that in me. Sorry. I am not purple. I'm more of a forest green. Maybe even a steel grey. On some occasions a stormy blue. But not so purple. And never pink.

I am off track. I do that a lot. Sigh.

There will be lots of interesting prose this week I'm sure. I am pre-posting this, so Simone and Mia have had their go and while I can't know for sure, I'll bet they kicked some purple ass. And I am quite positive that Bronwyn and Brynn will do the same. As for me, I am going to go lock myself in my black and red office and try to get any kind of prose down on paper. Purple, pink, yellow or otherwise. Any word count is a good word count. Right?

XoXoXo

Dakota Rebel

Coloring Prose With Purple

Purple is one of my favorite colors. For some things. For other things it's entirely wrong.

Purple Prose - purple is one of those colors that has a tendency to signify royalty, however, when used in conjunction with the word prose (which is basically anything that isn't a play/script/poem) it is not always flattering.

By definition it means a work of fiction that is written with overly flowery language and style. So, instead of the character running through the woods with adrenaline coursing through his veins, it'll be a very long passage that describes a lot of the details and writes around the fact that the character is running. The pace of the story is slow and indirect. And sex - sex is alluded too with color metaphors used in place of words such as cock, penis, breasts, or vagina. Things such as "throbbing member", "manhood", "sheath", or "mounds". There are some really interesting ones that I've heard. I'm trying to remember - and failing - but I think either Brynn or Bron had a running list of the colorful descriptors used for body parts.

Fiction written in or with purple prose can be interesting, but I prefer reading books with a faster pace and real sex with the doors and windows wide open.

Happy Reading!

Simone.

I Think Teachers Like Literary Fiction As Much As I Do

Okay here’s the thing. If teachers liked literary fiction, they’d change things up a little. They’d find the new books in that field that come out every year. But they don’t. I swear to you, my kids are reading the same books I had to read in high school—and recently the truth came out. Some of them are the same books my mother read in high school too. It’s three different schools so the lack of variety can’t be blamed on that. Do you recognize any of these titles:

Lord of the Flies
Of Mice and Men
A Raisin in the Sun
A Light in the Forest
To Kill a Mockingbird
The Great Gatsby
The Crucible

Some might say those are just classics. Perhaps. But here’s what literary fiction is: it is a term that came into common usage around 1960, principally to distinguish “serious fiction” from popular or genre fiction. I like this definition from David Lubar’s A Guide to Literary Fiction published in 2002. He equated the label with work that is pompous, dull, plotless, and overly academic: "If you're ever in doubt about whether a story is literary, there's a simple test. Look in a mirror immediately after reading the last sentence. If your eyebrows are closer together than normal, the answer is yes."

Okay, I’m going to admit something. When it comes to fiction, I never, ever read anything other than genre fiction—if I can help it. It’s not the books. I’m sure there are some really great literary works out there. And maybe if my high school teachers had chosen different books, I might have an interest now.

Or not. It’s really not their fault. And to tell the truth, in the past I never had an opinion of literary fiction. Those were books some writers had felt led to write. They were writers; I’m a writer. It was all cool. For a while. But after about the thirtieth time I had someone cock their head, nose pointing slightly upward, and say in a disdainful, nearly highbrow voice, “I write literary fiction,” I lost it.

Yes, I snapped.

My eyes narrowed, and I said very nicely, in the low, calm voice my friends will tell you is dangerous, “That’s wonderful. I write the kind of books people actually want to read.”

It’s funny how a blog post can start in one direction and veer to another path. I was all set to write something else, but as my thoughts clear, here’s the gist of what I have to say: As a genre—yes, it is a genre. Sorry, literary people—I have no problem with literary fiction. It’s not my cup of tea. I prefer the pace, plots and voice of popular fiction. And, I prefer to not be told my fiction tastes are sub-standard.

You want me to read what now?

Ah literary fiction, how I loathe you. Let me count the ways.

So, I’ll cop to reading some literary fiction - some because of college curriculum and some at the urging of a dear friend. She’d been bugging me to read a certain book. I thought it looked like a terrible idea. So I made her a deal. I told her if she’d read the genre fiction of my choosing, I’d read the literary fiction of hers. Thus, the arrangement made in hell was born.

Let me tell you what happened.

Her: OMG. This is actually really good. Why didn’t I know this?

Me: ‘Cause you’re a fiction snob.

Her: Oh right. I forgot. So, is book two out yet?

Me: Yeah and book three. Four will be out later this year.

Her: Cool. I feel a trip to Barnes and Noble coming on.

Me: I thought you might.

Her: You don’t have to gloat.

Me: I’m not gloating...much.

Her: So, how are you liking your book?

Me: Meh...but, I’m not very far into it yet. It’s pretty cumbersome prose. Also, it’s depressing as hell.

Her: I know, right?

Me: Bitch.

I bet you’re wondering if I finished that book, aren’t you? Oh, I finished it, all right. Every morose, depressing tear-jerking page. This is how it went for me. (I apologize to those of you who’ve heard this tale of woe before, but it’s necessary for this blog post.)

Like a dumbass, I came to the end of this miserable book in the waiting room of a doctor’s office. So I’m reading, trying to be all discrete while wiping away my tears and blowing my nose and I hear this little girl say:

“Daddy? Why dat yady cryin’?”

He glances up from his magazine, looks at me like I’m a freak and says, “I don’t know honey.”

So the little girl stares at me for a while, walks over and says, “Hey yady, why you cryin’?”

So I shut my book and say, “I’m reading this book, and it’s very sad.”

She wrinkled up her nose and said, “Then why you reading it?”

Good question, kid. I said, “Well, my friend read it and really liked and told me I needed to read it, too.”

She stared at me for a minute, put her hands on her hips and said, “Your friend is mean!”

So there you have it – out of the mouths of babes. Literary fiction is MEAN!

I'm sure there's worthwhile literary fiction out there. I'm sure it's probably not all gut wrenchingly sad. I'm equally sure I don't want to waste my time reading or writing it. Life is too short to read (or write) books you hate.