Now that I've gotten David Bowie stuck in your head, let's talk changes. Despite the fact that I get a little whiny sometimes, I've got a fabulous life. I'm doing what I want to do. I have family and friends that I adore and that most of the time adore me right back. I don't have a ton of regrets, but I do have a few.
So really, the only things I'd change are these things.
1.) I'd schedule things better. I suck at organizing my time. Sometimes it's because I get distracted and sometimes it's because I'm trying to do too much at once. Sometimes it's both at the same time.
2.) I wouldn't have bought that piece of crap computer that ate part of my story, a bunch of my edits and pissed me off more than I can ever properly express. The hard drive has now failed twice and I was forced to get another new computer. But, I love my new precious, so I guess it all worked out okay in the end...except for the money I spent on the first one and can't get back.
3.) I would have gotten fired from my old job sooner. Honestly, I debated about even putting this up here, but I realized it was true. While I loved aspects of my old job, in a lot of ways it sucked my soul and definitely sucked my life. I can't tell you the number of times that my husband said to me, "Why don't you just quit?" Maybe I should have. I don't know. I know that I didn't want to disappoint anyone - particularly people I worked with and cared about - which made staying in a bad situation seem slightly more tolerable. But my life has so vastly improved after being removed from my position that I can't really regret it. I do miss the people though.
In the end, only my poor organizational and time management skills were the biggest problem and I'm working on those so they're not a problem for next year. So, yeah. Minimal regrets and changes here.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Oh the things I would change
I've decided to cheat this week. Because the things I would change are things that I have (or had) no control over last year. But if I COULD then I would.
1. I would win the big lottery jackpot. Yup, 200 million dollars. That would have been me. My family would be wealthy, our friends would be comfortable, and I wouldn't ever have to have a day job again.
2. I wouldn't have gone back to work after having the baby. I suppose I had some tiny bit of control over this one. But since we didn't win the lottery I couldn't really afford not to have a full time job.
3. I would have lost 40 pounds. Ok, so now we are getting into things I had total control over. If I had eaten less junk and even attempted to exercise then perhaps I WOULD have lost 40 pounds. Or any weight not assoctiated with giving birth. But no. I had the baby, lost all of the baby weight (thank goodness) and ended up at exactly the same weight as I was when I got married. Not a good thing by the way.
4. I would have learned to play guitar. It's something I've always wanted to do, but not enough to sit down and actually learn it. Mostly I think I would look cool holding one. Even more cool if I were 40 pounds lighter. With green hair. And an eyebrow ring. Yeah.
5. I would have written more books. A lot more. Like 20. Anything would have been better than the 2 I actually did write last year. *Sigh. It wasn't a good writing year for me at all. But hey, this year is shaping up better. One book down, two WIPS going and a little birdy told me that one of my WIPS is the best thing I've ever written. So that's nice. I hope she's right. And I hope I don't fuck it up.
6. I would have stocked up on gasoline. Of course, if I had won the lottery I wouldn't really care that as I am typing this gas is 4.05 a gallon. All I can do is pray that when this posts on the 27th we aren't all longing for the days when it was ONLY 4.05 a gallon. Gasoline bastards.
For the most part, I had a pretty bitchin' year last year. My fabulous husband and I had a beautiful son. My daughter was still wonderful (still is, too). We have a comfortable home, we both have jobs and my children don't go hungry. My life is certainly nothing to complain about. Granted, I can always find something. But at the end of the day we all count our blessings that we are fortunate to have all we do, and try not to worry about the things we don't.
XoXoXo
Dakota
1. I would win the big lottery jackpot. Yup, 200 million dollars. That would have been me. My family would be wealthy, our friends would be comfortable, and I wouldn't ever have to have a day job again.
2. I wouldn't have gone back to work after having the baby. I suppose I had some tiny bit of control over this one. But since we didn't win the lottery I couldn't really afford not to have a full time job.
3. I would have lost 40 pounds. Ok, so now we are getting into things I had total control over. If I had eaten less junk and even attempted to exercise then perhaps I WOULD have lost 40 pounds. Or any weight not assoctiated with giving birth. But no. I had the baby, lost all of the baby weight (thank goodness) and ended up at exactly the same weight as I was when I got married. Not a good thing by the way.
4. I would have learned to play guitar. It's something I've always wanted to do, but not enough to sit down and actually learn it. Mostly I think I would look cool holding one. Even more cool if I were 40 pounds lighter. With green hair. And an eyebrow ring. Yeah.
5. I would have written more books. A lot more. Like 20. Anything would have been better than the 2 I actually did write last year. *Sigh. It wasn't a good writing year for me at all. But hey, this year is shaping up better. One book down, two WIPS going and a little birdy told me that one of my WIPS is the best thing I've ever written. So that's nice. I hope she's right. And I hope I don't fuck it up.
6. I would have stocked up on gasoline. Of course, if I had won the lottery I wouldn't really care that as I am typing this gas is 4.05 a gallon. All I can do is pray that when this posts on the 27th we aren't all longing for the days when it was ONLY 4.05 a gallon. Gasoline bastards.
For the most part, I had a pretty bitchin' year last year. My fabulous husband and I had a beautiful son. My daughter was still wonderful (still is, too). We have a comfortable home, we both have jobs and my children don't go hungry. My life is certainly nothing to complain about. Granted, I can always find something. But at the end of the day we all count our blessings that we are fortunate to have all we do, and try not to worry about the things we don't.
XoXoXo
Dakota
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
2010 Re-Wind
A Faery Godmother waves her magic wand and says I can redo 2010 - I can change whatever I want.
As long as it doesn't completely screw up the space-time continuum and completely derail my future --
I could choose to win the big lottery last year...which would be nice, but what I would really like it -
The temp job to turn permanent with normal hours
or better yet --
Complete and permanent removal of all pirate websites and for pirates i.e. file-sharers (who are really thieves) to quit defending their illegal actions. If you downloaded a copy of any published work or other copyrighted material not released for public domain onto your computer, phone, e-reader or any other device without paying for it, you stole it. That's illegal. That makes it a crime and you a criminal.
Other than that, 2010 was pretty okay. Maybe I could have all three. Then I could hire a bevy of attorneys to enforce the law against pirates and their criminal activity.
Oh, I know what else I'd change - spending more time with my friends. Since they live an hour away, it's hard to get up there.
Enjoy,
Simone.
As long as it doesn't completely screw up the space-time continuum and completely derail my future --
I could choose to win the big lottery last year...which would be nice, but what I would really like it -
The temp job to turn permanent with normal hours
or better yet --
Complete and permanent removal of all pirate websites and for pirates i.e. file-sharers (who are really thieves) to quit defending their illegal actions. If you downloaded a copy of any published work or other copyrighted material not released for public domain onto your computer, phone, e-reader or any other device without paying for it, you stole it. That's illegal. That makes it a crime and you a criminal.
Other than that, 2010 was pretty okay. Maybe I could have all three. Then I could hire a bevy of attorneys to enforce the law against pirates and their criminal activity.
Oh, I know what else I'd change - spending more time with my friends. Since they live an hour away, it's hard to get up there.
Enjoy,
Simone.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Fwuh?
Well, here’s a touchy subject. What one person doesn’t understand, might be another person’s bread and butter. What one person doesn’t like, might be someone else’s favorite.This week, I agree and I disagree with some of the other bloggers’ choices, but isn’t that the way of things?
I had to think long and hard about genres I don’t understand. I know there are plenty of things I don’t like, but that doesn’t mean I don’t ‘get’ it. So…
Let’s start with “FanFic”. I understand some FanFic. For example, lots of people wrote new endings to Queer as Folk, because let’s face it, the ending sucked. And to tell the truth, I enjoyed it. What I don’t understand is why some of these brilliant writers aren’t writing their own books about their own characters. Many of these authors are really talented. By the way, I much prefer this Queer as Folk ending by Jambrea Jo Jones, who is a multi-published author.
I have some difficulty and disagreement with historical novels that fictionalize the lives of real people like Marie Antoinette. It doesn’t make any sense to me.
And because my big two just won’t do, here are a couple more:
Gothic Romance. No really. It’s not that I don’t like it. It’s just that I don’t get it. I don’t know that I’ve ever read one where I wasn’t wondering why the heroine didn’t just jump off the highest precipice and into the moat below.
The Dying Earth subgenre of Science Fiction. I can understand a book or two about this, but how did it become a whole subgenre? Perhaps readers also like…
Misery Lit. Heard of that one? Bet some of you have read it. It’s that personal trauma/abuse genre. A lot of people claim the popularity is about titillation.
But as I said…different things for different people, but those are the ones I don't really get. Oh and lest someone ask...I get Nicholas Sparks; I just have a much differing opinion on books than he does ;-)
Thursday, April 21, 2011
I just don't get it.
I doubt that any of the genres that I don't "get" will surprise anyone. Also, I will totally cop to being a picky, picky reader. Most of the genres I don't get are really subgenres of the Category Romance genre. Without further ado, here they are.
First off, the Zillionaire Tycoon's Super Secret Mistress of Convenience type books. I don't get them. It's not I have a problem with people having a lot of money. It's just that I probably belong in a commune or something, and I get really distracted by the uber rich hero with his private jet and his yacht and his mansion and his summer home in Greece and his tailored clothes and I think "Seriously? Why do you have all this stuff you don't need? I'm pretty sure there are whole continents of starving orphans you could feed or entire ecosystems you could save with that kind of cash. I realize that all people whether real of fictional have the right to do what they want with their piles of money, but it bugs me nonetheless.
Next on my list is the I Have a Huge Ranch but I Do Absolutely No Work On It book. In some books, it's almost like owning this huge spread is some kind of romance shorthand for "I'm rich (you can tell by my enormous, well-appointed house) and rugged (you can tell by my hand-stitched boots, Stetson and over-sized and elaborate belt buckle)." I realize that there are likely real people who have huge ranches and never set foot in a barn, but that just seems weird to me. Granted, working in a barn is smelly, dirty work, no matter how it's romanticized in cowboy books where the cowboys actually do work (which I do prefer to the aforementioned ones). While the smell of cow manure and fresh cut hay does make me nostalgic, it doesn't make me feel randy. Also, I'm just here to say that sex in the hay mown is never a good idea unless you want your characters to have hives, rashes and bug bites. So yeah, most cowboy books don't do it for me.
Then there's the ever popular My Child Has Been Kidnapped or Is Otherwise In Danger but I'm Going to Screw the Hero of This Book While Passing the Time Until the Ransom is Paid or the Rescue is Attempted. Now, I like the occasional romantic suspense. Suzanne Brockmann? Bring it on. Love the woman. However, other romantic suspense that involves children in peril while their mamas are getting it on with hero while their child is missing or in danger give me The Full-On RAGE. Seriously? You can possibly think about sex when you don't know if your child is alive or dead? You can entertain the idea of entering into a potential relationship with a guy while your child might be being abused? If my child were in danger, the last damn thing I'm going to think about is how ripped some dude's abs are or if he's good in bed. Don't care. Want my kid. Want him now.
Now, this doesn't mean I think that these books don't have value. They do to the people who love to write them and love to read them. It just means they're not for me.
First off, the Zillionaire Tycoon's Super Secret Mistress of Convenience type books. I don't get them. It's not I have a problem with people having a lot of money. It's just that I probably belong in a commune or something, and I get really distracted by the uber rich hero with his private jet and his yacht and his mansion and his summer home in Greece and his tailored clothes and I think "Seriously? Why do you have all this stuff you don't need? I'm pretty sure there are whole continents of starving orphans you could feed or entire ecosystems you could save with that kind of cash. I realize that all people whether real of fictional have the right to do what they want with their piles of money, but it bugs me nonetheless.
Next on my list is the I Have a Huge Ranch but I Do Absolutely No Work On It book. In some books, it's almost like owning this huge spread is some kind of romance shorthand for "I'm rich (you can tell by my enormous, well-appointed house) and rugged (you can tell by my hand-stitched boots, Stetson and over-sized and elaborate belt buckle)." I realize that there are likely real people who have huge ranches and never set foot in a barn, but that just seems weird to me. Granted, working in a barn is smelly, dirty work, no matter how it's romanticized in cowboy books where the cowboys actually do work (which I do prefer to the aforementioned ones). While the smell of cow manure and fresh cut hay does make me nostalgic, it doesn't make me feel randy. Also, I'm just here to say that sex in the hay mown is never a good idea unless you want your characters to have hives, rashes and bug bites. So yeah, most cowboy books don't do it for me.
Then there's the ever popular My Child Has Been Kidnapped or Is Otherwise In Danger but I'm Going to Screw the Hero of This Book While Passing the Time Until the Ransom is Paid or the Rescue is Attempted. Now, I like the occasional romantic suspense. Suzanne Brockmann? Bring it on. Love the woman. However, other romantic suspense that involves children in peril while their mamas are getting it on with hero while their child is missing or in danger give me The Full-On RAGE. Seriously? You can possibly think about sex when you don't know if your child is alive or dead? You can entertain the idea of entering into a potential relationship with a guy while your child might be being abused? If my child were in danger, the last damn thing I'm going to think about is how ripped some dude's abs are or if he's good in bed. Don't care. Want my kid. Want him now.
Now, this doesn't mean I think that these books don't have value. They do to the people who love to write them and love to read them. It just means they're not for me.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Why? For the love of everything good and holy WHY?
I'm going to count this as a genre. Because no one else does this but him. There is one author that I just do not understand. I don't know why he is so popular. I don't know why anyone puts themselves through the agony of reading his books again and again. It's like watching a Disney movie. One or both of the parents are either dead or going to be soon. It's honestly horrific.
I am speaking of course about Nicholas Sparks.
Ugh.
Not a happily ever after in sight. Not even a happy for now. Or a she will be okay. No. No. His characters fall in love (which I guess is what gives people permission to call this crap 'romance') and then something horrible happens. One of them dies. One of them is already dead and you didn't know until the end. They BOTH die. Their children die. He is the fucking literary grim reaper!
Death. Everywhere is death. Heartbreaking, gut wrenching, sorrowful death in every book. Why the hell do you people subject yourself to this crap? Who enjoys dripping tears and sniffling through pages of grief?
I do not understand and I never, ever will.
XoXoXo
Dakota
I am speaking of course about Nicholas Sparks.
Ugh.
Not a happily ever after in sight. Not even a happy for now. Or a she will be okay. No. No. His characters fall in love (which I guess is what gives people permission to call this crap 'romance') and then something horrible happens. One of them dies. One of them is already dead and you didn't know until the end. They BOTH die. Their children die. He is the fucking literary grim reaper!
Death. Everywhere is death. Heartbreaking, gut wrenching, sorrowful death in every book. Why the hell do you people subject yourself to this crap? Who enjoys dripping tears and sniffling through pages of grief?
I do not understand and I never, ever will.
XoXoXo
Dakota
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
It's all in the eye of the beholder, I guess. Just not mine.
So we're talking about the genre we don't understand and why. I'm actually struggling with this topic a little. If I try to look at it from other perspectives, I can make an argument for just about any genre. Oh, sure, there are several I don't care for and wouldn't read--with the odd exception. But that I don't understand? For that I have to leave the realm of romance.
Manga. My nieces are heavy into this stuff. Japanese cartoon characters with multicolored hair, very little clothing, often times they have strange powers... I don't get it. Poor dubbing and impossible human characteristics just confuse me. I look at them prancing across the screen, my head cocked to one side like a dog who doesn't understand human. Except I'm not a dog. And Manga aren't human. Not really.
Hard-core BDSM. Now, I'm not talking about the stuff our wonderful Brynn Paulin writes. She's very respectful and knowledgeable with mega research hours invested into getting scenes just right. I'm talking about the aspect of BDSM that involves humiliation.
In an effort to do some of my own research, I watched a documentary about the BDSM lifestyle of dominatrix(es?). I don't understand whips. I don't understand forcing someone to lick the underside of a toilet seat, or eat ashes from a burning cigarette. I don't understand spanking to the point of damaging the person's body with thick bruises and blood blisters.
Certain Sci-fi. Now some sci-fi I'm okay with. It's the sci-fi where you can't pronounce the damn names that drives me insane. I was talking about this with Brynn and Bronwyn the other day. I believe it was Brynn who said, "Thank God the apostrophe names are gone. There was a time when if you saw an apostrophe, you immediately said, oh that must be science fiction."
YES! People, OMG, YES! I hate that. If I can't freakin' pronounce the name, I'm probably not going to bother with your book. There is nothing more pretentious and annoying than that. It pulls me out of the book every time. If his name was Bob, I'd read your story, no problem. But Xstz'le'duouxil is NOT sexy or fun.
I used to say fairy stories, but I can't now because I write them. I used to say that about non-wolf shifters too. But now that would make me hypocritical. I like shifters, I'm not crazy about them from an author's perspective. As a reader? Sure, give it to me.
Am I asking too much here? I don't think so. And if you have any further questions on this, just ask Xstz'le'duouxil to explain it to you.
~Mia
Manga. My nieces are heavy into this stuff. Japanese cartoon characters with multicolored hair, very little clothing, often times they have strange powers... I don't get it. Poor dubbing and impossible human characteristics just confuse me. I look at them prancing across the screen, my head cocked to one side like a dog who doesn't understand human. Except I'm not a dog. And Manga aren't human. Not really.
Hard-core BDSM. Now, I'm not talking about the stuff our wonderful Brynn Paulin writes. She's very respectful and knowledgeable with mega research hours invested into getting scenes just right. I'm talking about the aspect of BDSM that involves humiliation.
In an effort to do some of my own research, I watched a documentary about the BDSM lifestyle of dominatrix(es?). I don't understand whips. I don't understand forcing someone to lick the underside of a toilet seat, or eat ashes from a burning cigarette. I don't understand spanking to the point of damaging the person's body with thick bruises and blood blisters.
Certain Sci-fi. Now some sci-fi I'm okay with. It's the sci-fi where you can't pronounce the damn names that drives me insane. I was talking about this with Brynn and Bronwyn the other day. I believe it was Brynn who said, "Thank God the apostrophe names are gone. There was a time when if you saw an apostrophe, you immediately said, oh that must be science fiction."
YES! People, OMG, YES! I hate that. If I can't freakin' pronounce the name, I'm probably not going to bother with your book. There is nothing more pretentious and annoying than that. It pulls me out of the book every time. If his name was Bob, I'd read your story, no problem. But Xstz'le'duouxil is NOT sexy or fun.
I used to say fairy stories, but I can't now because I write them. I used to say that about non-wolf shifters too. But now that would make me hypocritical. I like shifters, I'm not crazy about them from an author's perspective. As a reader? Sure, give it to me.
Am I asking too much here? I don't think so. And if you have any further questions on this, just ask Xstz'le'duouxil to explain it to you.
~Mia
Monday, April 18, 2011
Genres That Confuse Me
For the most part, I understand most genres. I don't always read them, but I understand them. Or at least I get the concept. The one I don't understand is Steampunk.I know that it is some sort of conglomeration of Victorian/1800's and Steam power with kind of a modern bent. I also know it's gaining popularity.
A friend of mine - Abigail Barnett/Jen wrote one - Infernal Devices -earli
er this year and I've read the blurb and tried to do the research and figure it out, but steampunk still leaves me scratching my head. There have been movies and books and pictures galore where they meld everything together. I'm betting that there either cons for them or they are at different cons.
I'm not sure what the first picture is supposed to be. The second one is supposed to be watches and the third one is a laptop.
What I've seen and read is entertaining, I just don't understand it.
Simone.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
It could totally be worse
I can't really say I've any truly horrible reactions. Most have been along the lines of "Oh, I don't read that sort of thing." Or "Oh, you write that?" Nothing like losing friends or having my family rail against me and withdraw their love and support, and I've got to say, I'm so freaking grateful.
Do some of my family members wish I wrote in a different genre? Yeah, probably. Do any of them love me any less for what I write? Not at all.
Probably the worst reaction was from my step-mom. Her definition of what's acceptable and what's not has changed drastically over the last few years. For instance, the first romances I ever read were hers from the late seventies and early eighties. In fact, she encouraged me to read them.
However, when I told her what I was writing, her first response was to get that delightful "I'm so very disappointed in you" look on her face. Then she told me she'd pray for me. Really? You handed out romance novels like candy, and now you'll pray for me?
My favorite part is when she comes up with story ideas for me, "that don't involve sex." However, once I started encouraging her to write them, she's all but stopped suggesting them.
Don't get me wrong - I love my step-mom and I know she loves me. And really, if this is the worst reaction I get over the course of my career? No big. I can deal. There are enough people around that enjoy what I write, so it all balances out.
Do some of my family members wish I wrote in a different genre? Yeah, probably. Do any of them love me any less for what I write? Not at all.
Probably the worst reaction was from my step-mom. Her definition of what's acceptable and what's not has changed drastically over the last few years. For instance, the first romances I ever read were hers from the late seventies and early eighties. In fact, she encouraged me to read them.
However, when I told her what I was writing, her first response was to get that delightful "I'm so very disappointed in you" look on her face. Then she told me she'd pray for me. Really? You handed out romance novels like candy, and now you'll pray for me?
My favorite part is when she comes up with story ideas for me, "that don't involve sex." However, once I started encouraging her to write them, she's all but stopped suggesting them.
Don't get me wrong - I love my step-mom and I know she loves me. And really, if this is the worst reaction I get over the course of my career? No big. I can deal. There are enough people around that enjoy what I write, so it all balances out.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Bad Ju-Ju
You know, writing erotic fiction doesn't always get a favorable response. I know, you're shocked, right? Even when I used to write mainstream fiction, I still got the, "Oh, you write that stuff" comment. My favorite is the condescending, patronizing smile like my work was somehow less than other types of literature. Of course, those looks and smug smiles were usually followed by, "Well, I read Blahdy-blah books."
It always made me think, "pompous". Okay, and "asshole." Sometimes, I'd think, "so you need fixing? That's why you read self-help books?" but I'd never say that, because we all read self-help books from time to time, and frankly it would just illustrate how juvenile my thinking is, to try and lash out pointlessly.
As you can imagine, writing guy on guy erotic romance doesn't get a standing ovation either. That's why I pretty much keep my identity to myself. I have this conservative family, you see. Back when I was writing mainstream, I got THE WORST reaction I'd ever had, to my writing.
I'd sent a manuscript to a family member to pre-edit my work before I sent it to the publisher. I knew it wouldn't be received well, but I had no idea the kind of fallout I should be expecting. The edit was done... and she made the point of telling me several times that it was only because she'd promised to, that she weeded through the "filth". But the worst came from another family member.
He hadn't read the whole book, only heard pieces taken out of context by his wife. He wrote me several long emails about how my work was inspired by the devil. I was responsible for teen pregnancy, drug abuse, pre-marital sex, alcoholism, sexual abuse, bad parenting, calling in the spirits of damnation, etc, etc, etc. And this was from a MAINSTREAM romance book.
Mind you, the book had nothing about teenagers, drugs, alcoholism, spiritual worship, abuse, or parenting of any kind in it. In fact, the hero and heroine were on the run. When they got captured, having fallen in love by this time, they did have sex. Three chapters or less later, they were married and safe.
I explained all this, but by then the phone calls, guilt, emails, were more than I could stand. I stopped writing for several months after that. I was a wreck. I knew then that I could never tell my family that I continued to write after that. I certainly couldn't tell them that I'd switched genres to something they'd gnash their teeth about and wail in sack-cloth over.
I've had a lot of reactions to what I do. Mostly, they are surprise and demanding who I am in the publishing world. Sometimes, it's shock and I get bombarded with questions about what my readership is like and how I could possible portray realistic gay men. But the reaction from family? That reaction where you think your family will love you no matter what you disagree about? Yeah, that one was Earth-shattering for me. It was the first time I realized that familial love did, in fact, have limits. I knew, because I'd found mine.
It was also the moment I realized I'd NEVER let my family feel that way about coming to me with something they wanted to tell me. Family is supposed to be unconditional. I hope that you have that, and if you don't, I hope you create it for yourself, either as a writer or as a reader.
~Mia
It always made me think, "pompous". Okay, and "asshole." Sometimes, I'd think, "so you need fixing? That's why you read self-help books?" but I'd never say that, because we all read self-help books from time to time, and frankly it would just illustrate how juvenile my thinking is, to try and lash out pointlessly.
As you can imagine, writing guy on guy erotic romance doesn't get a standing ovation either. That's why I pretty much keep my identity to myself. I have this conservative family, you see. Back when I was writing mainstream, I got THE WORST reaction I'd ever had, to my writing.
I'd sent a manuscript to a family member to pre-edit my work before I sent it to the publisher. I knew it wouldn't be received well, but I had no idea the kind of fallout I should be expecting. The edit was done... and she made the point of telling me several times that it was only because she'd promised to, that she weeded through the "filth". But the worst came from another family member.
He hadn't read the whole book, only heard pieces taken out of context by his wife. He wrote me several long emails about how my work was inspired by the devil. I was responsible for teen pregnancy, drug abuse, pre-marital sex, alcoholism, sexual abuse, bad parenting, calling in the spirits of damnation, etc, etc, etc. And this was from a MAINSTREAM romance book.
Mind you, the book had nothing about teenagers, drugs, alcoholism, spiritual worship, abuse, or parenting of any kind in it. In fact, the hero and heroine were on the run. When they got captured, having fallen in love by this time, they did have sex. Three chapters or less later, they were married and safe.
I explained all this, but by then the phone calls, guilt, emails, were more than I could stand. I stopped writing for several months after that. I was a wreck. I knew then that I could never tell my family that I continued to write after that. I certainly couldn't tell them that I'd switched genres to something they'd gnash their teeth about and wail in sack-cloth over.
I've had a lot of reactions to what I do. Mostly, they are surprise and demanding who I am in the publishing world. Sometimes, it's shock and I get bombarded with questions about what my readership is like and how I could possible portray realistic gay men. But the reaction from family? That reaction where you think your family will love you no matter what you disagree about? Yeah, that one was Earth-shattering for me. It was the first time I realized that familial love did, in fact, have limits. I knew, because I'd found mine.
It was also the moment I realized I'd NEVER let my family feel that way about coming to me with something they wanted to tell me. Family is supposed to be unconditional. I hope that you have that, and if you don't, I hope you create it for yourself, either as a writer or as a reader.
~Mia
Monday, April 11, 2011
The Other Side
Last week we talked about the best reactions we've received when people find out what we write, sadly I had hard time finding a best reaction. The negative reactions there is no shortage of.
I think one of the worse reactions I got was by a person who I thought was a friend, who asked how I could such vile filth and stopped talking to me. A few of the people we knew mutually followed suit. I was more angry and disgusted by her reaction than hurt.
A friend of mine (who when I first met him reminded me of that scene in Top Gun (the way I remember it) where Tom Cruise is walking down the flight line in his flight suit because he was dressed similarly walking down the flight line during an airshow) recently asked me about it and the negative reaction to sex in general. My answer went something along the lines of because sex was taught as evil, taboo and never to be discussed by polite peoples by both society (starting way back) and many (most in the older time periods) of the churches and not everyone questioned what was said before. The churches I grew up in and my family went to and grew up still teach a lot of those things, which makes talking about sex difficult at best. It was a subject that was never talked about before, now thanks to my SIL (she's never been shy about talking about sex and her sex life with pretty much anyone - well in the family and her friends) and my new career, it usually ends up in most conversations. My favorite reaction during these conversations are the ones where someone says - wait, how do you do that or how do you use this.
Probably more than anyone wanted to know. It'll be interesting to see what the rest of the week brings.
Simone.
I think one of the worse reactions I got was by a person who I thought was a friend, who asked how I could such vile filth and stopped talking to me. A few of the people we knew mutually followed suit. I was more angry and disgusted by her reaction than hurt.
A friend of mine (who when I first met him reminded me of that scene in Top Gun (the way I remember it) where Tom Cruise is walking down the flight line in his flight suit because he was dressed similarly walking down the flight line during an airshow) recently asked me about it and the negative reaction to sex in general. My answer went something along the lines of because sex was taught as evil, taboo and never to be discussed by polite peoples by both society (starting way back) and many (most in the older time periods) of the churches and not everyone questioned what was said before. The churches I grew up in and my family went to and grew up still teach a lot of those things, which makes talking about sex difficult at best. It was a subject that was never talked about before, now thanks to my SIL (she's never been shy about talking about sex and her sex life with pretty much anyone - well in the family and her friends) and my new career, it usually ends up in most conversations. My favorite reaction during these conversations are the ones where someone says - wait, how do you do that or how do you use this.
Probably more than anyone wanted to know. It'll be interesting to see what the rest of the week brings.
Simone.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
The Lesser of Two Evils
I know we're supposed to be blogging on the best reaction we've ever gotten to the fact that we write erotic romance, but I can't remember any super spectacular reactions. My friends are, of course, supportive. My family varies between supportive and slightly bewildered or downright horrified.
Strangers are usually weirdly curious and upon finding out exactly what I write, I've been asked the usual, "Do you do everything you write about?" To which I answer, "Yes, I have crazy wild sex with shape shifting bears. But I prefer to do two or three at a time." Then there are the bad responses, but we'll look at those next week.
However, at my brother Andrew's wedding, I had a fantastic conversation with my cousin Sarah and my brother Tim that perfectly illustrates that there are always worse things that I could be doing and that apparently writing erotic romance is the lesser of two evils.
Sarah: I need to tell you something before you hear it from someone else.
Me: Holy shit - you're not pregnant again, are you???
Sarah: God, no!
Me: Whew. Okaaaay, what's up then?
Sarah: How do you feel about adult entertainment?
Me: What do you mean?
Sarah: Well, Jason (her younger brother) and I decided to open up a strip club next to the casino that just went in.
Me: (trying to close my mouth)
Sarah: Mom won't talk to us at all. We told her we're going to give ten percent to St. Mary's. She said, "Just don't let Father where it came from!" But I told her he'd probably figure it out since it would be covered in glitter.
Tim: (pats me on the shoulder) Hey! Check you out - you're not the biggest sinner in the family anymore!
Sarah: Yeah, I tried to think of a way we could market your books, but there aren't any pictures, and well, nobody in this county knows how to read.
I like to think these conversations take place in other peoples' families. But Chris informed me that she's pretty sure that they don't.
Can't wait to see what happens at the Easter gathering.
Strangers are usually weirdly curious and upon finding out exactly what I write, I've been asked the usual, "Do you do everything you write about?" To which I answer, "Yes, I have crazy wild sex with shape shifting bears. But I prefer to do two or three at a time." Then there are the bad responses, but we'll look at those next week.
However, at my brother Andrew's wedding, I had a fantastic conversation with my cousin Sarah and my brother Tim that perfectly illustrates that there are always worse things that I could be doing and that apparently writing erotic romance is the lesser of two evils.
Sarah: I need to tell you something before you hear it from someone else.
Me: Holy shit - you're not pregnant again, are you???
Sarah: God, no!
Me: Whew. Okaaaay, what's up then?
Sarah: How do you feel about adult entertainment?
Me: What do you mean?
Sarah: Well, Jason (her younger brother) and I decided to open up a strip club next to the casino that just went in.
Me: (trying to close my mouth)
Sarah: Mom won't talk to us at all. We told her we're going to give ten percent to St. Mary's. She said, "Just don't let Father where it came from!" But I told her he'd probably figure it out since it would be covered in glitter.
Tim: (pats me on the shoulder) Hey! Check you out - you're not the biggest sinner in the family anymore!
Sarah: Yeah, I tried to think of a way we could market your books, but there aren't any pictures, and well, nobody in this county knows how to read.
I like to think these conversations take place in other peoples' families. But Chris informed me that she's pretty sure that they don't.
Can't wait to see what happens at the Easter gathering.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
The Best
My favorite reaction did not come directly from the person, and I wish it had. My dad was always proud of me and he was very excited for me when I became an officially published author. While he was in the hospital, his friend struck up a conversation with me about my books that I will never forget.
C - "So, your dad says you're a writer."
Me - "Yes."
C -"He was so excited when you got published. You write Westerns?"
Me - "What?"
C - "Westerns. Your dad said you write Westerns."
Me - "No." I laughed. Hard. So hard there were tears that for the first time that day were not of sadness. "I write erotica actually. But I guess I can see why he wouldn't want to share that bit with people."
See, my dad was so excited that I was published and he wanted to tell everyone. But he just couldn't bring himself to say the word 'erotica' so instead he told people I write Westerns. That way he was able to share his big news about his 'famous' daughter and avoid any embarrassment he may have felt about what I write.
My dad was awesome. One day I will write him a western. It will probably be more Brokeback Mountain than Louis L'Amour, but hey...he'll still be proud of me.
I wonder if there is erotica in Heaven...
XoXoXo
Dakota
C - "So, your dad says you're a writer."
Me - "Yes."
C -"He was so excited when you got published. You write Westerns?"
Me - "What?"
C - "Westerns. Your dad said you write Westerns."
Me - "No." I laughed. Hard. So hard there were tears that for the first time that day were not of sadness. "I write erotica actually. But I guess I can see why he wouldn't want to share that bit with people."
See, my dad was so excited that I was published and he wanted to tell everyone. But he just couldn't bring himself to say the word 'erotica' so instead he told people I write Westerns. That way he was able to share his big news about his 'famous' daughter and avoid any embarrassment he may have felt about what I write.
My dad was awesome. One day I will write him a western. It will probably be more Brokeback Mountain than Louis L'Amour, but hey...he'll still be proud of me.
I wonder if there is erotica in Heaven...
XoXoXo
Dakota
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
It's all in the delivery
If you meet people, like ever, the question always comes up, "What do you do?" I've addressed this in a lot of ways.
"I write women's fiction," became, "I write fiction." I've said, "I'm a writer," to which I get, "That's nice. Are you published?" Because clearly, you aren't actually a writer unless you're published. *eye roll* That makes me crazy. If you write, you're a writer. Published or not. But yes, I'm published.
Then they want you to write their story, or their idea, or they "have the best idea ever for a book. One day I'm going to write it down and get it published." Go you. Yay for positive thoughts, you should definitely write it down. Yay for your certainty that EVERYONE in the world wants to read all about little ol' you. But seriously? Don't belittle me because you think you have The Great American Novel lurking in your mind.
Other reactions? I sparingly say, "I write male on male erotic romances for several houses." You can't be sure of the reaction. My favorite is, "How? You don't have the parts!" I know. But I do have an imagination. I also have a voice, and I ask a lot of personal questions of various men. Hopefully, I'm representing correctly.
Considering that 20% of male/male readers are men (the rest, duh, being women), I figure one of those sexy men would have spoken up by now if I'd done it all wrong. I hope they would, anyway.
I guess I don't really have a favorite reaction. Mostly because I get "the look". If I don't want to get "the look", I just say, "I'm a published author." If they want something more specific than that, and they aren't in the industry, I'll add, "of fiction." It works well since the next question is invariably, "How many books do you have published?" At which point, I reeeeeally get a kick out of saying, "Thirty."
Their eyes bulge. Awesome.
"I write women's fiction," became, "I write fiction." I've said, "I'm a writer," to which I get, "That's nice. Are you published?" Because clearly, you aren't actually a writer unless you're published. *eye roll* That makes me crazy. If you write, you're a writer. Published or not. But yes, I'm published.
Then they want you to write their story, or their idea, or they "have the best idea ever for a book. One day I'm going to write it down and get it published." Go you. Yay for positive thoughts, you should definitely write it down. Yay for your certainty that EVERYONE in the world wants to read all about little ol' you. But seriously? Don't belittle me because you think you have The Great American Novel lurking in your mind.
Other reactions? I sparingly say, "I write male on male erotic romances for several houses." You can't be sure of the reaction. My favorite is, "How? You don't have the parts!" I know. But I do have an imagination. I also have a voice, and I ask a lot of personal questions of various men. Hopefully, I'm representing correctly.
Considering that 20% of male/male readers are men (the rest, duh, being women), I figure one of those sexy men would have spoken up by now if I'd done it all wrong. I hope they would, anyway.
I guess I don't really have a favorite reaction. Mostly because I get "the look". If I don't want to get "the look", I just say, "I'm a published author." If they want something more specific than that, and they aren't in the industry, I'll add, "of fiction." It works well since the next question is invariably, "How many books do you have published?" At which point, I reeeeeally get a kick out of saying, "Thirty."
Their eyes bulge. Awesome.
Monday, April 4, 2011
You Write What?
I'm really not sure how to answer the topic this week.
My friends are supportive, which is always a good thing. My friends squeed with me when I sold my first book, and tolerate the squeeing when I sell another. About half of the time I get a - that's nice or cool. Usually the rest of the time I get weird looks, scowls, or frowns and under the breath comments. I do get a lot of surprised looks.
I think the best reaction was:
I told a friend of mine what I wrote and she was excited and went "Oh My God, that's so cool." A few months later she came out to me. She had a really hard time accepting who she was. We've become closer friends.
Simone.
My friends are supportive, which is always a good thing. My friends squeed with me when I sold my first book, and tolerate the squeeing when I sell another. About half of the time I get a - that's nice or cool. Usually the rest of the time I get weird looks, scowls, or frowns and under the breath comments. I do get a lot of surprised looks.
I think the best reaction was:
I told a friend of mine what I wrote and she was excited and went "Oh My God, that's so cool." A few months later she came out to me. She had a really hard time accepting who she was. We've become closer friends.
Simone.
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