Cowboy

I have to admit, when I saw this title all I could think of was the dream episode of Buffy after they defeat Adam and they have a movie night and they all dream weird ass dreams about the Cheese Man. In Willow's dream they are doing Death of a Salesman in their school play and Riley is very insistant the he is the cowboy guy. It's hilarious. And Harmony is running around trying to bite Giles. And Buffy is a flapper. It's so freakin' funny. I can't even get past the image to write a story like I'm supposed to. These prompts are awesome but super hard. I can't seem to pull one off. I swear I will play along when we get to the Alan Rickman one though. I love him and have all kinds of dirty Snape thoughts I could share with that.

I was going to share the video of that dream sequence with you but I can't find one on YouTube. :(

Instead I'll remind you that Blood of the Fallen and Quarantine are available at www.resplendencepublishing.com and www.allromanceebooks.com. Go pick up a copy of one or both.

XoXoXo
Dakota

Buttons Taste Like Candy When You Close Your Eyes

So I know the topic this week is short stories (or at least, I think it is), but since I'm brand spanking new here and am still fumbling around the neighborhood, walking my dog where I shouldn't and making blunders at next door's barbecue mixer, I thought it best to just to stick to something safe.

Like maybe introducing myself. Just ignore that pork chop I accidentally threw at someone, when trying to make a point about some program no-one else watches. Pretend I didn't spill punch all down the dress I shouldn't have worn, while almost standing on Mrs Finnerty's cat.

I'm normal, okay. I'm totally normal. And to prove it, here are the top four normal things I totally do all the time:

1. I write things. I write long things and short things, things about sexy times and menages and things about zombies and spaceships. Just ignore the fact that I write said things while wearing a towel on my head, eating midget gems and watching something awful, like Grounded For Life. Seriously, has anyone else seen that show? What is WITH the Dad? Where did they find him? He's almost grotesquely ugly, he's covered in a kind of ginger fur, and he seems to think panicked shouting makes him a) funny and b) likeable. I gotta tell ya - it does NOT. I'm only hanging on watching this thing because Brett Harrison is in it and he looks like Scott Valentine and I just want to snog his weird mouth.

Ooooh, is that punch over there by the hotdog buns??

2. I put on clothes and go outside. No wait - I honestly do. I know sometimes it probably seems as though I just jealously guard my lair (or "bedroom", as ordinary people call it) like a huge great furry wild animal, claws lashing out at anyone who dares to enter, burning eyes staring out from beneath a mat of hair that only happened because I fell asleep with that stupid towel on my head. And I know it kind of looks like I'm a hermit who's been permanently fused with her laptop, and doesn't understand words like "sun" and "people".

But I swear to God, yesterday I opened the front door and waved my hand out. No lie. I really did it. And then the sunlight turned to acid on my skin and I scurried back up the stairs to lick my wound, while crouching next to the fort I've made out of DVDs of shitty TV shows.

3. I talk on Twitter!

Wait. Is that considered normal? My normal-o-meter is kind of on the fritz, at the moment. Yesterday I ate a button because I thought it was a midget gem.

What? It's dark in the writing den, okay? I can't see because of my hair! The sun just burned me! Give me a break, okay?

4. I cry when The Sims 3 won't work.

Okay, I know that this one is not strictly normal. I mean, most people cry when they go outside and ultraviolet rays melt their hands like that scene in The Fly - yeah, you know which one I'm talking about. But not me. I cry when I'm happily making my Sim have my exact life - complete with aversion to social situations and need to obsessively sit at her laptop, writing - and then suddenly she turns into an old lady because I neglected to turn aging off and she only has a 90 day life.

There's a lesson in there, but I don't give a shit what it is. Instead I'm just crying now because I took aging off and started a new game, and now the fooker's glitching like nothing else. It keeps freezing! Why won't The Sims let me be great? All I want to do is take care of my little Sim, have her lead a happy life of hermititude and writing and possibly woohooing with the Armie Hammer Sim I made to live next door to her, and what happens?

It jams up on me!

And then I cried like a little baby. There's probably a lesson in that, too, I feel. Something profound, something about not letting precious seconds slip away from you, or never allowing yourself to be stuck in the same pattern.

Or even better: just buy Sims fookin' 2, instead!


Charlotte Stein is now going to leave a self-conscious third person biography for you to read at the bottom of this post, to introduce herself in a more sane fashion. She's published with Black Lace, Ellora's Cave, Resplendence, Total-E-Bound, Xcite, Cleis Press and Constable and Robinson, amongst other things that might be happening soon and that are making her giddy and stupid. Her work has been called "and" and "the" in many reviews by Jane at Dear Author, Michelle Buonfiglio and Wendy The Super Librarian, and you can usually find her over at http://www.themightycharlottestein.blogspot.com/ (mightiness is wholly imaginary on the part of Ms Stein), where you'll also find evidence of her books, and of the other blogs she frightens on a daily basis. She lives in West Yorkshire with her terrified husband and their imaginary dog.

What's that smell?

I love scents. As crazy as it sounds, some of my books even have their own scents - candles or essential oils I use to helps me evoke the right time and place.

It's hard to narrow down a favorite, so I'm going to have to go with my top five list. In no particular order, I...

I love the smell of wood burning, particularly if the air is dampish and smells of a freshwater lake. There's something about the scent of damp grass, cool water and burning wood that blends and smells a lot like what I assume heaven smells like.

I love the smell of farm country in the spring and early summer. The recently plowed peat dirt smells thick and rich, heavy with the scent of onions and celery. Everything has this bright green smell with hints of sweet wildflowers. And later in the summer, I love new mown hay. I know this will probably gross everyone right out, but I don't even mind the undernotes of cow manure - not freshly spread or anything - I'm talking a day or two old.

I love the smell of little kids and babies. There's a sweetness about them, and it's not just the scented lotion and powder.

I love the scent of the essential oils that my sister and I mix every summer - honey, clove, dark vanilla, almond, amber, rosewood, cinnamon, sandalwood - not all together - not usually. We change up the combo every year and every year I think it's the best one yet.

I love the smell of autumn - tart apples, cider, fresh baked bread, changing leaves, crisp air, the subtle loamy-ness that comes with fall.

And now I'm totally in the mood for fall. I think I might bake some bread today...

Best Smells ---

Some of the best smells for me are associated with happy memories and/or good food. It's one of the 5 senses and should be used in writing.

For me some of the best smells come out of my kitchen -

Fresh bread - warm and yeasty, that wraps around and comforts you and sets your stomach growling even if you've just eaten. Add some exotic spice to the mix and those flavors fill the house as well. It helps that I love to bake bread, especially those now classified as artisan breads. But there are good memories associated with bread baking - time with my daughter and time with my father.





I love certain colognes on men, especially after they showered and shaved. My favorite is still Drakkar, and again it's associated with a memory. It was first worn by the man who has become an extremely close friend. I can still see him in his flight suit walking across the tarmac. It's hard to describe the scent, it's not musky, but masculine. Clean, hard, and attracting.

Interestingly enough, a search for Drakkar brings ups hundreds of images of Viking Long Ships.




I love to cook, and in the fall I make apple butter, apple pie, and pumpkin pie among others. So, does my mom. My dad preferred breads, but my mom made the pies. But it is the memories that I am building with friends and my daughter that I love about making the pies and butters. Apples laced with cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, and cardamon among others. Cinnamon seems to be a staple spice in my house, and I use it in a lot of things.












I love the aroma of spices, the exotic places the blending of ingredients found locally with spices from around the world. Curry blends, star anise, cinnamon, ginger, paprika, turmeric, cardamon, and at least a dozen others, used in ways that my mom can't fully imagine. Her food is practical and filling, but it doesn't have the ability to transport you or at least your taste buds to India, Asia, Mexico, or the South Seas.



But smells aren't only food. I have a good friend who loves the smell of jet fuel. No surprise, she was a mechanic in the AF and still loves to be around jets. I prefer the feel of the engine vibrations as the jet fighters take off. Spectacular view and feel.

Smells often remind us of experiences - usually good, but they can also be negative ones.

Yeah...I'm needy. What about it?

I'll admit, I'm a creature of habit. There are certain things I need to be able to write comfortably. Can I write without most of them? Yes. Do I want to? Not particularly.

In no particular order, I need

My computer

A mostly distraction free zone

Music (if there are distractions I need to tune out)

Friends to chat with (or cry to depending on how the writing is going)

An idea of where my story is going

A deadline

A cat (or five) to pet (not imperative, but certainly helpful)

Coffee, Coke or Tea

Important notes that I wrote in my notebook at night or my freaking awesome waterproof notepad that's in the shower - compliments of one also freaking awesome Dakota Rebel. I love this thing because my best ideas always happen in the shower.

The end of the book - I need to know what I'm writing toward, even if I wander around a bit on the way there.

Friends (yep, I listed them twice) I need my tribe even if it's just to hear them say, "You can do it." Or "Get to work!"

Mostly I need to believe I can write the story and not let the stress of everything else get in the way. Funny how that's the hardest need of all to meet.

I NEED you

I'd like to say all I need is my laptop and an idea. But that's bull. There are all sorts of things I need to write. I don't always need them all at the same time, but during any given book I will need the following things:

Laptop
Muse
IPod
Iced Tea
Coffee
Glasses
Friends
Notebook
Pen (Must be a good pen. Crappy pens make the muse angry.)
Cigarettes
Shower
Car
Twitter
Cell Phone
FRIENDS
Rain
Hot Pictures of Guys (for inspiration of course.)
Wine
Pizza
Did I mention Friends?

All of these elements play their part in the make up and completion of almost every one of my books. They are all important elements to my work because they are all important elements to me. I need these things to function like a human being and therefore I need them to function as an author.

Do you have any things you couldn't live without? Either for writing or just for existing?

XoXoXo
D

Everything I Need

What do I NEED in order to write a story -

Pen and paper, although I really prefer my laptop or computer.

Music - any will do, but I prefer music specific to the story I'm writing.

Title - in order to start the story, it needs to have a title before I can start writing. Even if I change it later, it needs one to start.

Ideas - the seed that starts the story - they come from anywhere.

These are things I NEED to write a story. I'm a writer, I have always been a writer/storyteller and will always be a writer, but the best part of writing is knowing that someone enjoyed what I wrote.

Enjoy,

Simone.

Please pass the fan...and the ice...and that box of fudgesicles. Thanks.

I love being home with my kids during the summer, but I hate-hate-hate the heat. I've never been a huge fan of summer. I hate the heat and the humidity and I really loathe sweating. It's just gross. Really gross. At least, I no longer have to pick strawberries or haul hay every few days. That would REALLY suck. Hell, as it is, I can barely convince myself to go weed the flowerbed.

So how do I beat the heat?

First off, I stay indoors as much as possible during the hottest part of the day. Or all day if I can swing it.

I stand over the vents in the floor. I wear a lot of skirts and the vents spew cold air upwards. It's win-win as far as I'm concerned.

I drink lots of iced tea.

I'm a fan of popsicles and fudgesicles. But not those gross weirdly flavored freeze pop kind in the plastic sleeves. I like mine on the wooden stick, thank you very much.

A cold, wet washcloth across the back of the neck is a great, quick cool down trick.

I like cool showers.

Mostly, I just hope for cool weather. It's one of the reasons I like going to the U.P. It's usually a minimum of 10 degrees cooler up there.

By the time this post goes live, I'll be in Philly at AAD. I'm really hoping for cooler weather then. *crosses fingers and toes*

Ugh it's hot

I hate summer. Yeah, I said it. I can't stand it. I don't like winter or summer. The only redeeming quality summer has is that when it's over it's fall. Which I do love. Fall is my very, very favorite season. Besides the super bonus of Halloween, I love the weather, the scenery, the kids going back to school. It's just a great season.

Here in Michigan we really only have two seasons. Hot and Cold. They each last about six months, though the last few years the cold is winning out over the hot at about 8 months to 4. Why do I live here again?

Anyway, to beat the God awful heat and humidity I tend to just lock myself up in my house with my A/C on full blast. By this point in the year I don't even care what my utility bill is anymore, I just don't want to sweat anymore. We eat out a lot so I don't have to cook. We buy bags of ice like we are trying to keep a dead body frozen in our basement. (I'm joking, we don't have a basement.) And I bitch. A lot. But my family loves me and forgives me this one month of misery because they know that it's almost baking season and they will have all kinds of pumpkin treats to stuff in their faces.

I guess what I'm saying is that to beat the Dog Days of Summer I just think about the fact that in a few more weeks the trees are going to die and the pumpkins will be harvested and it will all have been worth it because the heat is gone and I can wear big sweaters again.


By the way, in 3 days my son will be a year old. can you believe it? Me either. Time goes so fucking fast, I swear.

XoXoXo
Dakota

Seriously? I get to write a legitimate complaint post? Awesome!

Where to start...where to start?

So Dakota has already mentioned some of my hot button issues, Gay Marriage topping the list. But there's plenty of other stuff that pisses me right the hell off.

People who use their children as accessories. You know what? They're not dress up dolls. They're not there to look adorable to complete your chic urban housewife look. They're kids who are learning by playing and exploring and getting dirty. They're individuals who are finding their places in the world and figuring out who they are. As a parent, you're there to love them, interact with them, play with them guide them not put them in front of the "one-eyed babysitter" and dress them up, take them out to show them off when it suits you. (In case you're wondering, yes, I know people like this and they make me rage face.)

People who refuse to take personal responsibility for themselves and their actions. You know the ones I mean. Nothing is ever their fault. Anything that goes wrong is because someone did something that caused it to be this way. Quit blaming your parents, your ex, your sibs, your boss and the government. Granted there are some things that other people cause, I'm not talking about those. I'm talking about the things that you did that you refuse to take responsibility for. Guess what, friend? Everyone messes up. Own up, take responsibility, fix it as best you can and move on.

The disposable society mentality. Things are only designed to last a finite amount of time and then they need to be replaced. My fridge lasted 23 years, which is totally cool. However, when we went to purchase a new fridge the other night, the salesperson actually said, "Plan on replacing this one in another 8 to 10 years. Nothing lasts like it used to." Really? With all the technology available to us, we have to build and accept crappy products that are just going to end up in overflowing landfills? Yeah, I know it's all about the money, but that doesn't make it okay. Related to this, is the disposable animal mentality. Don't adopt cute little kittens or puppies or bunnies and then decide that you're tired of them when they've grown up and they're no longer teeny-tiny and cute, or when they start getting into things or are otherwise annoying you. And for God's sake, if you give them up, don't dump them in the woods or at a farm or along the side of the damn road.

Me-Me People. I'm sure that everyone has someone in his or her life that's a Me-Me. This is the person who feel the pathological need to monopolize every conversation by interrupting and talking about themselves. Your conversation with a friend about your grandmother's illness becomes a showcase for Me-Me to butt in and tell you about the time s/he (or someone s/he knows had x, y or z illness and how much worse it was. Unfortunately, I see this often in the writing world where every conversation is a chance to turn the conversation to their latest work and why it's better than everything else out there. This is not going to sell books. This is going to get you punched in the face.

I should probably wind this up lest I be all bad moody when I finish, but there are so many more things that piss me off. Parents who don't use seat belts/car seats for their kids, littering, favoritism, tailgaters, negativity, manipulation, racism, sexism (most isms, really) and overblown senses of entitlement.

Wow...look at that list. I'm just a pile of anger, huh? The sad thing is I'm sure there's more, but this is what I've got tonight.

So...what pisses you off?

Things that chap my ass

Y'all know me. I have a fuse so short it might as well not even be there. It does not take much to fire me up at all. So there are lots of things that piss me right off. I will keep this post limited to things that anger me to the point of shouting about them.

1 - Book Pirates. I cannot reiterate this enough. I fucking hate every single person that illegally downloads copies of books, movies and music. It is not your right to possess these things. We worked hard to write, record, make these items and you have to pay for the privilege of reading, listening and watching. It's the law. Stop being a douche bag. And if you continue I hope you get caught, fined out the ass, and thrown into prison where HORRIBLE things happen to you. Seriously. Awful things. You're an asshole.

2 - Opposition to Gay Marriage- Explain something to me. If you are against gay marriage I need you to weigh in here. How exactly will it affect you personally if two people who are in love want to get married? What in your day to day life will change if two men you've never met, will never meet, want to show their love for each other in the same way you've been allowed to with your own spouse? Seriously. Tell me how this affects you. Don't quote the bible at me, seperation of church and states makes that argument invalid. I want to know how YOU are personally affected. Please. You are so damn vocal about gay and lesbian couples not being allowed to get married but when asked for a valid argument you just spout scripture. Thanks to our country's founders you cannot use stories from the bible to base laws on. Thank goodness or slavery would still be legal and women would be flogged publically and we would stone people in town squares. And I'd love to see a TeaBagger inact a bill to make masturbation illegal. That's a big no no in the bible too, but I don't see y'all falling over yourselves to keep that one from happening. Stop your hatred and just let people be. I would like to believe that God has better things to worry about right now than whether or not two women want to legally share their lives together. Besides the fact that I'm pretty sure God's a pretty big fan of love and your hatred is probably making him sick.

Non-Smoking Bars - This is just stupid. It's a fucking bar. Come on. No one in there is worried about their health. Bastards.

Women's Clothing Sizes - I am a 10-12-14 and occasional 16 who wears a M-L-XL and occasional XXL depending on the store I am shopping in. This is ridiculous and makes shopping for clothes online about impossible. Regulate something, please. Sorry we can't all be twigs. Real women need clothes too.

Kim Kardashian - Really? Who the fuck are you and why are you so famous. You're not even a good person. Yuck. I have a big ass. Where's my millions of dollars?

Ok, I'm off track now so I'll wrap it up. What pisses you off to no end? I'd love to hear it. You know what they say "If you don't have anything nice to say, go sit next to Dakota."

XoXoXo
Dakota